


Luck In Falling

by justanothernobody



Category: K-pop, Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coz why not, EunHae, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, HyukHae - Freeform, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, haehyuk - Freeform, sm ent is kinda mentioned, teach me senpai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 23:17:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14295612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernobody/pseuds/justanothernobody
Summary: A peek into the 4 times Hyukjae realises he has fallen hard for Donghae, and the many times Donghae did as well(alternatively, a compilation of all the times Hyukjae has to stop staring at Donghae during performances or MV shoots put together in a '4+1' prompt)





	Luck In Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is a repost of a fanfic I've posted on AFF a few weeks back. English isn't my first language so feel free to inform me of any errors I've made. Hope you enjoy reading it!

1

Sometimes, Hyukjae really hates the styling noonas who choose their outfits. He doesn’t _loathe_ them, per se. Rather, he questions their ability to choose the best outfits for the group. Take Donghae’s outfit as an example ‒ it is loose and has a deep neckline that shows off his collarbones and half of his chest in an absolutely gorgeous way that he must exert some energy just to make sure he doesn’t act too suspicious in front of the audience. As they perform their song ‘Bonamana’, he tries to focus on dancing. Soon he realises it’s just too difficult to do so when the guy he’s trying to avoid looking at is exactly in front of him. He chants inwardly “stop staring at him” for the nth time and only prays that his actions go unnoticed by the boy who has moved from in front of him to right beside him. Though he knows, if anyone can see through him it’s definitely Donghae (and maybe Jungsoo, but that doesn’t really count).

•

_After the performance he rethinks of his feelings for Donghae. He remembers Jungsoo (and yes, he did notice) scolding him for being too unfocused during the performance followed by Yesung’s reply of, “well I wouldn’t be surprised of course, he was too focused on Donghae the whole time,” causing Yesung to snort and Jungsoo to burst out laughing. He glanced around the room, Donghae doesn’t seem to be somewhere nearby to be able to hear this conversation. Afterwards he found Donghae as they exited the building (with proper clothing that actually has modesty). As he sits beside Donghae in the backseat, Donghae falls asleep on his shoulder and he turns his head to look at him. He turns his head to stare at the front window and simply smiles. “How unlucky I am to fall in love with such a pretty boy,” he thought to himself._

 

2

When their company announced that he and Donghae were to be in a subgroup together, he was beyond ecstatic _(he tests out their name, ‘Super Junior D &E’, and thinks that they sound great together)_. In one of their singles, ‘Still You’, he makes a mental note to just look normal during the MV shoot. How would he define normal, you ask? For one, definitely by not staring at your friend for an extended period of time that would make the MV look like it was about them and not about the imaginary ex-girlfriend they were singing about. And it really doesn’t help that the video concept itself just doesn’t have a _straight_ -feel to it. _What were the producers thinking when they decided on this_ , Hyukjae thinks. After the MV has been released he watches it and he realises, the whole video itself is too centred around them to the point where someone who doesn’t even know them might think that the song is a love song to describe them instead of it being a song about a girl who still holds a place in their hearts after breaking up with them _(which honestly isn’t that bad, Hyukjae muses)_. He pauses the video and it coincidentally stops as Donghae flashes a boyish smile. He stares for a while before closing his phone and deciding to sleep, _(and hopefully to dream of an alternate universe where they were both boyfriends instead of just best friends, his mind supplies)_.

•

_He didn’t really dream of that. Rather he wakes up with an abundant supply of them being together as daydream material for when he gets bored. He daydreams of them kissing for real and not just for fanservice ‒ he imagines how Donghae would react and how he himself would just savour their kiss wholeheartedly (in his mind he imagines Donghae to kiss back, and maybe this thought is what really hurts him knowing that he actually won’t). He also watches the MV again, especially during Donghae’s boyish smile for times when he really needed something very close to his real smile (he even remembers exactly when in the video it happens, at 1:54). And it was only then that Hyukjae realises, he has fallen deeply in love for the one called Lee Donghae and he figures it’s going to be a while (probably never) before he stops falling for him._

 

3

Around 2 years later, their company has decided to make another MV for the new album they’ve just released. Hyukjae has to admit, Donghae has improved a lot in the songwriting department. After all, he’s able to write lyrics and compose all of these heartbreaking songs that are in the album. He has an easier time controlling his actions _(this time around the MV finally looks straight, as in, the-whole-thing-is-obviously-about-a-girl straight)_. He puts on the faux expression of sadness he has for the scene, and sees Donghae just behind the camera intently staring at him. They then continue to do their scenes together, and as the shoot ends that day he goes home with Donghae (their apartments are not too far from each other). As soon as he arrives he goes into his bedroom, ignoring the hungry wails of his stomach, and falls in a dreamless slumber.

•

_Sometimes Hyukjae thinks that he thinks too much. For example, he thinks Donghae has a girlfriend that broke up with him in order to write the heartbreaking song under the title of ‘Growing Pains’. He thinks that Donghae must have had an experience similar to the songs he writes ‒ he misses the girl he used to date and/or the girl he used to date dumped him for a better man and he simply couldn’t move on and forget about her. But other times he slaps himself and thinks him silly because Donghae could never have girlfriend in secret simply because Donghae is too open about himself and that he’ll definitely tell Hyukjae about it first. But his mind was always there to add a rational argument along the lines of, “He had one before meeting you, pabo.” Then he just imagines how it would be if the most handsome man in Super Junior (Donghae claims, “They say Siwon is first,” but Hyukjae disagrees) could be called his. He imagines how happy he’ll be, how happy he can make Donghae be, just before his smile changes into a disappointing frown. He isn’t really allowed to date, he remembers sadly. And before thinking too much someone would tap his shoulder, informing him that the MV shoot will proceed. He composes himself and continues, all while stealing glances at Donghae._

 

4

2 years later after completing their mandatory military service, Super Junior released their new album _(Hyukjae along with the others are saddened that only half of the group is present, but then he feels glad too… each of them had more lines and more chances of expressing their vocals ‒ which is always a good thing)_. He also realises that Donghae really takes on the spotlight with their new album. He feels happy seeing Donghae happy about it as well. As they perform 'Black Suit' in front of the audience, Hyukjae sees Donghae in his peripheral sweating slightly as they danced. They complete their performance, and the group was beyond happy that even after all these years Super Junior still has a strong fanbase. He sees the members changing out of their suits (black, of course, to match the title of their song) and changes as well. And he noticed something ‒ Donghae seemed to be out of it. He seems… tired. Whereas the two would usually engage in a conversation of just bicker, Donghae was quiet. After changing Hyukjae approaches him and Donghae, as if sensing him, turns his head to look at Hyukjae.

“What’s the matter? You look exhausted. Are you okay?”

“Ah, yeah. I’m fine, don’t worry.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah... Hey, actually, can you come over? Need to talk to you about something.”

Hyukjae feels confused. _Well this is new_ , he thinks. He nods and Donghae simply flashes him a grin, one that Hyukjae usually deciphers as a ‘thanks’ from him. As they take the ride home. Hyukjae wonders what really could’ve been troubling Donghae’s mind.

•

_During the ride back home Hyukjae reflects on what he has now with Donghae. To the public eye they’re a pair of best friends who constantly annoy and bicker with each other. And when not in public they really are best friends but more (the ‘more’ has always been there, it just always goes unacknowledged). He remembers the time they actually met each other as the company’s trainees ‒ young, carefree, and still complete strangers. And to think that Hyukjae has grown up with him for half of his life from when they were teenagers and until now when they’re 30-year-old men, it enlightens him and makes his heart warm. And even the days before Hyukjae actually fell in love with Donghae, he really is grateful to have him alongside him. No matter what they were always counted as one, always Donghae and Hyukjae. It scares him to think that if they fall out one day he would have to live his life forgetting about the friend and love of his life of many years. He shudders at the thought and looks at Donghae, who is staring at the window. He looks mature now, he muses, all grown up from the childish boy from Mokpo he first came to know. He decides to stay quiet for the rest of the ride to Donghae’s apartment._

 

+1

Donghae has always been somewhat in love with Hyukjae. He was one of the first few members of Super Junior he got acquainted with and they seemed to connect so much _(he guesses it might be because of their age, who knows?)_. As he looks out at the streets of Seoul he prays on some sort of deity he knows for whatever might come.

•

•

•

As they arrive to his apartment he takes off his shoes and Hyukjae follows along, a routine they have established way before living separately. He goes to the kitchen to drink and Hyukjae goes to sit on the couch in his living room right by the window and the sight of Hyukjae like that makes him gulp. The way the light shines on his face and black hair makes him look ethereal, otherworldly even. He rakes his hand through his blond hair and finishes his glass of water before going to sit opposite of where Hyukjae is sitting.

Donghae starts, “So, uh, I asked you to come here to say… well first sorry for bothering you to come here really...” And before he knows it, he's blabbering (and Hyukjae probably realises it too). "... and really, the reason. I asked you to come was just to say that I like you, a lot. And I know you probably don't but..." He thinks, _but what?_ He stops talking then to look at Hyukjae before simply staring at the floor beneath him. Hyukjae stares at him for a while before moving to sit beside Donghae and embracing him.

Hyukjae speaks softly, “Donghae-ah. I like you too. For a long time now. I love you, even, too much to ever be without you.”

Donghae feels a familiar heat pooling by his eyes and that only causes him to tighten his loose hold on Hyukjae. He feels Hyukjae does the same and after a while they remove themselves from the embrace and Donghae goes to lean on Hyukjae’s shoulder with a relieved smile on his lips. He feels Hyukjae lean in and softly pressing his lips onto his. Donghae feels it, the way Hyukjae kissing him as if saying countless ‘I love you’s to make up for the time they could’ve been doing this, and kisses Hyukjae back with as much emotion to convey the same thing. As they part from each other Hyukjae leans his forehead on Donghae’s and grins at him, one that leaves Donghae breathless and at a loss of words on how to describe how Hyukjae looks at that moment. Their lips reunite again and Donghae smiles into the kiss, and Hyukjae replies with a soft chuckle. _This is bliss,_ Donghae thinks _, and it can’t get better than this._

•

_Donghae will never admit to anyone, not even Hyukjae, about the fact that in all the moments they’ve been together whether in public or in private he has always been thinking of Hyukjae. He remembers how Hyukjae was once a stranger to him and that now he is said lover of said man. He remembers that the gloomy days of overthinking would cause him to write many sad songs about how his feelings will never be returned and how he longs for the day it will be (Donghae admits, both ‘Still You’, ‘Growing Pains’, and even ‘One More Chance’ were all about Hyukjae and how he had thought his feelings were to him). And most of all he remembers that Hyukjae was always beside him through thick and thin. He smiles and he glances sideways, looking at Hyukjae who is sleeping beside him. He pushes his bangs out of the way and thinks to himself, “How lucky I am to be able to call him mine.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on AFF @mp_2506 or on IG @cilla_moniaga


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